Moto Sekai Ichi'i no Sub-chara Ikusei Nikki

Idle Talk – Rank Matches (First part)

 

　There’s a hierarchy in House Firstest.

　Firstly, Second stands at the top. The following are these three, Silvia, Eko, and Yukari.

 

　Up to this point, the order is absolutely unchangeable.

　This story is about below that……In other words, the ranking of the servants. Here, fierce competition occurs.

　The top ranks are occupied by the oldest members, called the “Fourteen ones”. They are also known as the “Zeroth Generation”.

　Ten maids and four men, known as the 『Ten Great』 and 『The Big Four』 respectively.

　Following below them were the First Generation. It consisted of a large number of servants who entered as subordinates of those 14 people.

　Besides, it is rumored that the Second generation exists under them and that a Third generation will soon join.

 

　Well then.

　Just how on earth do they decide on their ranking and stuff?

 

　That is――「Ranking Matches」.

 

　They are held regularly, the participants being only those who wish to enter.

　At first, they were fighting “sneakily” and that’s the way they somehow set their ranks.

　However. A certain day, this was revealed to Yukari.

　At that moment everyone thought “We’re going to be reprimanded”……However, what came out of Yukari’s mouth was surprisingly a proposal for ranking matches.

　A system in which they would fight against their immediately following rank, updating the ranking; for example, 2nd vs 1st, 4th vs 3rd, and so on. There would always be two matches in one event, giving equal opportunities to the challengers and defenders. In other words, with this system, the matches for 2nd vs 3rd, and 4th vs 5th would be held, but also matches for 1st vs 2nd, and 3rd vs 4th. The servants called these matches “Even Match” and “Odd Match” respectively.

　The odd matches, in particular, were quite intense. After all, there was a chance for the first place in the hierarchy to change. There’s no way they couldn’t get excited.

 

“This time it looks it’ll be rough……”

 

　And so, the time for the ranking matches to be held came again.

　The first ranking matches after the political conflict ended. Since it had been quite some time since the previous ones, Cubero muttered this time it might be rough.

　The reason being, the Chef Sovra was temporarily out of the matches because of his treatment for the Caramelia addiction, so the third place in the ranking was missing.

 

　Rank 2     Butler Cubero.　Rank 4     Head Gardener Lilly.　Rank 5     El of the Ten Great.　Rank 6     Cosmos of the Ten Great.　Rank 7     Champani of the Ten Great.

 

　They all held a deep relationship in this. And there was also rank 1……Yve of the Ten Great.

　Up until now, ranks one to third had been immovable. But that was going to change now.

　And of course, everyone was aiming to climb. Lilly was particularly enthusiastic about this. He would now be able to challenge the second spot, who had been blocked by Sovra up until now.

 

“Lilly will move up on rank and start with an Even Match. For Yve, it’ll be a field trip like always.”

 

　The Rank Matches started under Yukari’s supervision.

　For the Even Matches, the ones that will be of note were probably Cubero vs Lilly and El vs Cosmos. On these matches, he would gamble the possibility of dropping into the missing third place or challenge the position of the first place. Everyone’s fighting spirits were burning.

 

 

 

 

“It’s been a while since we’ve gone at it, right Cube-chan.”

“A few months indeed…… I’d like if I say I wasn’t looking forward to it. Lilly-chan.”

“I’m happy. Me too, I’m about to overflow……! “

 

　A butler and a giant faced against each other. Both sides had calm expressions as if they had plenty of leeways, but they were giving off a burning ferocity that couldn’t be hidden.

　The servants who were not participating in the matches had their eyes sparkling as they watched. I wish I can someday be like that――They wondered to themselves. Or maybe they were simply looking forward to a high-level battle? Probably it was both for most of them.

 

“Here I come. I’ll show you how strong the creature called ‘Onee’ is.”

“Me too, let me show you the manliness of a chivalrous thief.”

 

　The skill the two of them used was 【Martial Arts】. Therefore, the audience somehow predicted the flow. Cubero’s technique versus Lilly’s strength……It will be a match of skill versus power. Simply by looking at the difference in physique between the two allowed for such prediction.

　However, in reality――

 

“Nice punch! “

“You too, Cube-chan! “

 

　With a heavy impact noise, the two people’s 《Silver Martial Arts》 collided head-on.

　If one simply talked about the feat, both possessed ‘power’. Cubero, climbing the ranks in the R6 up to becoming the young leader, and Lilly making full use of his large body. It was a clash of power against power.

 

“Ufufu. Say, do you know why an ‘Onee’ is so strong? “

“Excuse me. I’m not very knowledgeable so I wouldn’t know.”

“That is, you see. The strength of a man, the delicacy of a woman. Because it has those two contradictory features! “

 

　In just a moment. Lilly changed his stance and danced around in the sky.

　At first glance, it was a foolish move, filled with gaps. However, that unexpected behavior caused Cubero to falter for a moment. This action that, if done to Sovra would’ve caused him to simply say “Are you an idiot?” and laugh, had an outstanding effect on the serious Cubero. He, on the other hand, had been thinking “There has to be some meaning to this dancing”.

 

“Tch……! “

 

　Lilly’s 《Silver Martial Arts》 which was unleashed from above came down on Cubero. That, coupled with his opponent’s giant body gave off a sense of intimidation.

 

“To not falter, not bad, Cube-chan.” TLN: This had a tinge of homosexual connotation that doesn’t really translate.

“……Thank you for the compliment. Well then, now it’s my turn.”

 

　Cubero didn’t hesitate and took it head-on. To go beyond in this game of strength. Otherwise, it had no meaning. This was what he called “manliness”.

　Thus, he endured.

　At this point, Lilly was preparing to lose.

　He was able to take his first straight on. Dodging was something he couldn’t allow himself to do. Even if he knew he was going to lose, he had to take it head-on in the same way. It was a matter of etiquette.

 

“Come! “

“Here I come.”

 

　Cubero’s 《Silver Martial Arts》 lifted Lilly’s body a few centimeters from the ground. Lilly then went back three steps and fell on his back.

 

　The match ended――And the rank, it remained unchanged.

 

 

 

 

“Oh……so it’s you this time.”

“Yeah, I’ll be in your care. El-cchi.”

 

　Facing against each other were two of the all-purpose maid squad, the 『Ten Great』. El and Cosmos.

　El was one of the famous red-haired sisters, the older one. She was the captain of the fighting maid squad, the El Squad.

　On the other hand, the maid called Cosmos was……Infamous among the servants. It’s not like she was hated. However, the others didn’t have a very good image of her.

 

“El-cchi, your tights are dazzling today too. I want to smell them by all means.”

“Shut up, I’ll kick your ass if you keep like that……”

 

　The reason being――This girl, she was a pervert.

　The moment she opened her mouth, it was all dirty talk. One could refer to her as a walking obscenity.

　Her hobby was drawing. She had an excellent artistic sense, and it would be no exaggeration to say the interior of the mansion was determined by that sense of hers; her talent was that extraordinary. Her talent for painting was also on a genius level, and she sometimes decorated the hallways with her paintings.

　However, the reality of that was, that pervertedness of her leaked onto that. She abstractly expressed that dirty mouth of hers in the subjects of her paintings, getting herself all excited while showing it to others. She often explained carefully to her maid subordinates, while in front of a painting of a caterpillar that carefully sucked on the nectar of a flower something like “This is supposed to be the male genitalia, and that the female genitalia”.

　Therefore, the maids who knew of Cosmos’s perverted nature “didn’t like her”.

 

“Alright, shall we do it.”

“Please be gentle.”

“…………”

 

　Even for El, with her boyish manners and behavior, this made her feel kind of disgusted.

　With those tendencies, the only thing that made her look like a normal girl was her neat, beautiful long black hair. And then……

 

“Whoa.”

 

　As expected, she was strong.

　She very easily dodged El’s sharp 《Soldier Martial Arts》.

　Well, this was obvious. Otherwise, it would be impossible for her to be ranked 6th.

　Then, taking out a cane for 【Jojutsu】, her specialty, she let herself loose.

 

“Not bad for a pervert like you.”

“If you keep praising me like that, I think I’ll need to change my underwear.”

“Bitch, you think you can take on me that lightly?”

“Ah!! “

“W-What?”

“It should be fine. I didn’t wear any today in the first place.”

“……So, you’re really making fun of me! “

“Nooー! “

 

　Cosmos deliberately twisted her body, and while avoiding El’s punch, she pretended to fall.

　At that moment, her long skirt fluttered, revealing the contents hiding under it. It was a cleverly calculated movement performed at such angle that it could only be seen by El.

 

“Are you for real?!! “

“Smooth, isn’t it?　Fufufu, I wonder if I should instead wear a miniskirt maid uniform like you, El-cchi?”

“Like hell you will!　I’ll tell Yukari-sama.”

“Ahh!　Please, anything but that! “

 

　Cosmos’s body jerked and she then glanced towards Yukari, who was watching the match between Cubero and Lilly in the distance.

　No matter how much of a pervert she was, the Head Maid was simply way too scary.

　But El didn’t miss that momentary gap.

 

“Take this! “

 

　With a long stride to shorten the distance, she quickly used 《Lance Martial Arts》.

　《Lance Martial Arts》 was a foot skill. In other words……A high kick.

 

“I-It’s beautiful……! “

 

　Cosmos then went down, with a satisfied look on her face for some reason. An instant win.

 

　The match ended――And the rank, it remained unchanged.

 

 

 

 

　The Even Matches were over.

　On the same afternoon, the Odd Matches were also held.

 

“Oh my, oh my, how are you today, Pseudo-ojou-sama?”

“Oh ho ho ho!　Good day to you, Exhibitionist-san What nice weather, isn’t it?”

 

　Rank 5 Cosmos vs Rank 6 Champani.

　The two of them got along like cats and dogs.

　Cosmos had a serious expression, quite different from the time of her Even Match. The feeling of “I definitely don’t want to lose” ooze from her.

　Champani, one of the Ten Great of the all-purpose maid squad on the other side, looked down on her with elegant expression.

　Her fluffy blond hair flowed in an elegant wave, her height was moderately high, her breasts were moderately big, and the most distinctive feature was her gaze which drew a proud expression. No matter how one looked at her, she was an “Ojou-sama”.

　If you looked closely you could also see that her maid clothes had been modified in some places, and had sparkling decorations.

　When it came to fashion and personal taste, she never cut any corner. She spent more than an hour every morning fixing up her hair and carefully applying her makeup, furthermore, she changed the decorations on her maid clothes every day. The way she stood was also elegant, with no gaps in her movements, and the way she spoke was also very Ojou-sama-like. “Oh ho ho ho! ” was how she laughed, almost like a joke.

　That’s right, she admired the Ojou-sama type. None of the maids knew the reason for this. However, all the maids knew that Champani, despite being a maid, every day made the efforts to be like an Ojou-sama.

　That’s exactly why. Why Cosmos hated Champani, and why Champani hates Cosmos.

　This was not a “Rank 5 vs Rank 6” match――No, this was a “Vulgarity vs Elegance” match.

 

“Why don’t you take out your cane already? “

“You too, Pani-cchi, hurry up and take out your long, black, and hard thing already?”

“……You, I wonder how many times have I told you to stop calling me by that nickname?”

“Why? Pani-cchi sounds good. Pani-cchi is better than Pai-cchi (Big Boobs-cchi) or Puni-cchi (Bouncy-cchi).”

“Mukiii!  （●｀д´●）　I won’t forgive you today!　I’ll fix you right here, Cosmos!　I’ll purge you! “

“Whoaa. This is the first time I’ve actually seen someone say “Mukii”……I’m getting excited.”

 

　Cosmos took out her cane for 【Jojutsu】, and Champani held out her wooden sword for 【Swordsmanship】.

　Both sides glared at each other……And then, they moved out at the same time, as if their breathing were aligned.

 

“Ahh, as expected, it’s Pervert-Jojutsu.”

“Pani-cchi, it looks like you know how to handle a sword. Did you learn that in bed? “

“Shut your nonsensical mouth! “

“Did that make you h○rny? “

“～～!　Seriously! “

“See? it’s not just angry that you’re getting. Then it’ll be bad if you don’t win before I take off my panties.”

“What are you talking about!? “

 

　Cosmos relentlessly sexually harassed Champani with continuous sexual harassment attacks and unique 【Jojutsu】 moves. The confrontation between these two was always like this in the beginning.

　However, it’s not like Champani lost already. She had already defended her 6th place from Rank 7 Jast, the Lead Stable-hand. Her ability was unquestionably real.

 

“This b……Enough already! “

“Whoaa, oopsy daisy.”

 

　Champani unleashed a quick 《Knight Swordsmanship》 attack aiming at Cosmos’ solar plexus. Cosmos twisted her body and evaded by a hair’s breadth. Still, the wooden sword managed to hit her on the side.

 

“Ouuuch, ouch.”

“Oh ho ho ho!　Dance like a butterfly and sting like a bee. I learned this by watching Lilly-chan.”

“……You sure like to pierce (penetrate) others, Pani-cchi.”

“Yeah. It’s a wooden sword now, but I’d usually user a rapier. Oh ho ho! “

“Then, let’s see how you like having other pierce (penetrate) you! “

“――Eh! “

 

　Cosmos, who was pretending to be hurt by holding her side, launched a surprise attack at Champani using 《Lance Jojutsu・Stab》. A quick thrust attack with a penetrating effect―― one of Cosmos’s favorite skills.

　Watching at her while laughing with the feeling as if she already won, Champani received completely Cosmos’s 《Lance Jojutsu・Stab》, and with her eyes turning white, she fainted.

　…………Or at least, that was the usual pattern.

 

“If you think that will keep working on me every time, you’re making a huge mistake! “

 

　Apparently, she had taken measures against that.

　Champani nimbly side-stepped to dodge, and immediately activated 《Soldier Swordsmanship》, swinging her wooden sword down on the back of Cosmos’s head.

　……Should we call this the result of a long-standing grudge? At that moment, the many sexual harassment she received from Cosmos flashed inside of her mind, making her put more power than necessary into the wooden sword she held.

 

“Oh ho!? “

 

　Cosmos fainted with a face that shouldn’t be shown to people. Not a speck remained of the beautiful girl with long black hair.

 

“I DID IT!　I WON! 　I WON-!　I FINALLY WON! “

 

　The match ended――And the rank, it changed.

　Champani moved up to the 5th Rank.