Moto Sekai Ichi'i no Sub-chara Ikusei Nikki

Idle Talk  -　Teaching a Failure.

Extra. Also, extra-long (TLN: No pun intended, that’s what the author said).

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　My name is Ploum. I became 14 this year and I’m the stable-hand of house Firstest. A stable-hand is the person who takes care of the horses. For an idiot like me to be assigned such a post, no joking, I wasn’t able to work properly the first few weeks. They really were a mess. Even the most basic chores were difficult; I was kicked by a horse, and even beaten by Jast-aniki.

　Ahh, Jast-aniki is my superior. He’s like a ‘Stable Master’, well, basically he’s the most important person in the stables. He’s my senior by two years with swept-back brown hair and sharp sanpaku eyes. He’s a terrifying Aniki that would make anyone run away just by looking at him. And also, he’s amazing, after all, he’s a member of 『The Big Four』.

　He’s seriously amazing, right?　What are The Big Four you ask? Starting off with the Butler Cubero, then the Head Chef Sovra, the Chief Gardener Lilly and lastly the Lead Stable-hand Jast. It’s rumored that each of these four is incredibly dangerous, but I think Aniki is more incredible. Why? Because he’s my Aniki!　He’s really cool. I don’t know if it’s because of how he looks, or because he works hard, but in any case, he’s really cool.

　……Ohh. And Aniki is the only one who would look after such a sloppy, worthless slave brat like myself. And also, Aniki is the only one who would scold me without getting rid of me――

“Hey, Ploum. What are you doing in the corner of the cafeteria, not even eating? “

“Geeh, Aniki!　Please, don’t just peek!　Notes, I’m taking notes! “

　At some point, it seems Aniki came here without me noticing.

　I can’t actually write, you see. That’s why I’m practicing hard right now. I thought it’d be nice if someday I could write something like a biography or something.

　However…… I’d be a bit embarrassed if Aniki was to find out about it. That’s why I unintentionally lied as a reflex.

“Huh?　Were you writing? “

“……Well, yes. But, even if I’m writing, there are some words I don’t know.”

“For real!?　Where did you learn that? “

“My parents taught me when I was nine years.”

“Hoo!　You sure had a gifted education. Isn’t that great? I’m sure it was useful.”

“Yeah.”

　It’s a lie that I know how to write. Well, it’s true that my parents taught me. But the fact was, my parents were simply trying to raise my selling price as a slave. Slaves who could read and write were sold at a higher price, so for them, it was an investment.

　But when I had learned just a bit of reading and writing, I happened to hear my parents consulting with a slave merchant about selling me as a slave, and I thought ‘This is bad’. Thinking, ‘At this rate, I’ll be sold off’, I ran away from my home and lived in the muddy slums. That’s why I can actually only read and write the a-i-u-e-o. After all, you don’t need to read or write to be a thief. Well, I wasn’t really good so I eventually made a blunder and was caught and became a slave.

　……Speaking of which. Right now, I’m a slave, right?　Since I’m getting a pretty nice salary, it doesn’t really feel that way.

　It’s a miracle, really a miracle. It’s great that I was bought by this house. If you’re a 14 years old brat slave like me, you’re either forced to work until you die, or you’re sold off to some pervert by an under-the-table deal. And if you’re lucky, you’ll end up as the plaything of some noble. I don’t have a great face, so that was impossible for me in the first place.

　Eh, wait……?　I haven’t really thought about it until now, but thinking carefully, isn’t the House Firstest a bit unusual?　Even as a lowly stable-hand I have enough salary, the work isn’t that hard and it’s worth doing, the dormitory for us servants is a mansion, I don’t have to pay for rent or food, and since I’m a slave I don’t have to pay for taxes myself.

　Whoa, isn’t this amazing? Almost like a paradise?　And if I get this, how much would Aniki and the rest of The Big Four earn?　Or rather, why did Aniki end up as a stable-hand in this place?　Are Aniki and the other Big Four, slaves the same as me?

　…………Eh? If I think about it, I don’t really know anything about Aniki……

“So?　Notes about what? “

“Ahh, ehmm.”

　While I was thinking about various things, Aniki’s voice returned me to what we were talking about previously. Seems like Aniki is surprisingly persistent.

　Uwaa, how do I fool him? Nothing really comes to mind. Ahh, no use, I’d look suspicious. Damn, coming to this I’ll just have to lie my way out of this.

“A-Actually……. I was thinking about Aniki and The Big Four…… I’d like to write a biography about you…… but I don’t know where to start.”

　Ahh-aah, it’s over. He’ll totally find out. Shame on me. “Don’t come spitting those lies to me,” and then he’ll surely hit me. I bet 10,000 CL he’ll do it.

　Aniki then glared at me with those eyes that don’t look like they belong to a 16 years-old. I just closed my eyes involuntarily, clenching my teeth at the same time.

“――Isn’t that a great idea, Ploum!? “

　However, what flew towards me weren’t insults nor punches, but excited words.

“My biography, huh? I’m seriously looking forward to it.”

“Y-Yeah. Please, look forward to it.”

“Yeah!　Ahh, that’s right, wouldn’t it be better to have an interview? “

“N-no.”

“HA? “

“No kidding, you are right. An interview would be great.”

“I know right?!”

　How did it end up like this? This is a mess; I’ll have to remember it while pretending to take notes……

“Alright. Ask me anything.”

“Aniki, aren’t you busy with work? “

“Don’t worry. I’m on my break right now.”

　Aniki seems to be in a very good mood. He’s all smiles. Is it because of the biography?

　……Well, Aniki is happy, I can’t betray his expectations. Holding my hunger, I readied the pen and paper.

“Then, let’s start with, what did you do before coming here? “

“I was a thug.”

“A thug!? “

　The first question revealed an astonishing fact!　Aniki was a thug! ?　This amazing Aniki was!?　For real!?

　Everything I was thinking about on how to properly do a biography was suddenly blown away as I began to ask further questions.

“So, you were a thug, huh!? “

“Well, I started off as an orphan. But after various things, I went astray and ended up becoming a thug.”

“Ah, so you were one of those slums lookouts? “

“I didn’t have that luxury. I just stole every day; I stole simply to eat that day.”

“…………”

　The same as me. To steal or to be stolen from, to rob or be robbed. A filthy life of trampling over others. That’s what my life was like. That was the only way I knew how to live.

“But I was terrible at it, so I had no choice but to become a slave myself so that I could eat. Well, thinking about the end results, I think that was a good choice.”

　As Aniki said those words, his eyes looked towards the distance as he continued.

“And as I was just living there in a shitty cage, depressingly living on, I was suddenly told to get out. It was then that those two took me in.”

“Those two? “

“Second-sama and Yukari-sama.”

　Second-sama!?　He’s someone an underling like me hasn’t seen yet, our Master. Yukari-sama is the household chief maid so I’ve seen her a few times, but I’ve never spoken to her. For someone like me, they are like heavenly beings. Wow, Aniki met those two face-to-face. Like I said, Aniki is great.

“They had an impressive aura. I could do nothing but feel overwhelmed. I was even trembling like a new-born slime.”

“Are you serious! ?　Aniki was!? “

“Yeah. Silvia-sama and Eko-sama are outrageous, but those two are on a whole other level.”

　Aniki’s face smiled broadly. Thinking about it, everyone was the same. When they talk about those four of house Firstest, they often somehow end up with a happy face. Just like when you’d talk about your best friends.

　……I’m sure it was envy. That’s why I said what I said next.

“But Aniki, you’re incredible too. I mean, aren’t you in The Big Four?　Maybe you won’t even lose to Second-sama if you-ughh――”

　The next moment, Aniki’s clenched fist hit my belly.

“Uh…. Kah..! “

　I can’t breathe!

“Hey, Ploum. I know you’re an idiot and you’re just speaking without thinking. But you need to know there are things that can be forgiven and things that can’t.”

“Uu……uuu.”

“No matter for whatever reason it is, even if it’s a joke, you need to always respect your master. It doesn’t matter if you think your Aniki is better. That’s a huge mistake, but people are human, so it can’t be helped that we make mistakes. However, you must never say it. It’s fucking irritating.”

“……Oo……kay.”

“Well, I understand it’s hard to show respect to someone you haven’t met before. However…… remember that you, me, and everyone in this house have a huge debt of gratitude towards him.”

　Ahh, it’s just like Aniki says. I was stupid. I wasn’t thinking at all. It’s obvious to be irritated if someone spoke like that about someone you like. I would be the same if someone spoke about Aniki like that. I might even take matters into my own hands.

　Well, but even with this……I still like Aniki. I like Aniki who scolds me like this.

“I’m very sorry, Aniki……! “

“What?　Why are you crying for?　Really!?　Aren’t you an idiot!?　God, you’re pathetic! “

　He’s a bully, has a bad mouth and is quick to violence, but Aniki was the first person I met here. I want to follow him for the rest of my life.

　I’m just a stupid guy, but still, I want to follow Aniki. Therefore, while I still think of it as “Since Aniki respects him, I will too”, I decided to respect Master. After all, what Aniki says is absolute.

　However, that impression of his is too big for me to imagine it. I’m sure he’s an amazing person, but right now I don’t really get it. Somehow it feels like when people say “Because God created this world, you need to pray to him”.　I’ve never seen or met God, so I don’t really feel like believing in him.

　However, I wonder why Aniki respects him that much?　Maybe The Big Four are the same?

　Suddenly, I became interested in Master. A man who gathers so much respect from such fierce and strong men. I wonder how incredible of a person is he. Since, unlike God, I can actually meet him, I should be able to find out. However, I don’t think I’ll have an opportunity to see him. What should I do?

“Alright, then my interview is over. How about going to Lilly-chan’s place tomorrow?　He will continue with the story.”

“……!　Okay, thank you! “

　That’s right, I can hear about Master from The Big Four!

“You’re amazing, Aniki! “

“What?　Ah, sure.”

　The next day. After going to the cafeteria at noon, I headed towards the garden to interview the chief gardener, Lilly-san.

“Oh my, isn’t it Plo-chan?　I was waiting for you.”

“H-hi…… I’m Ploum, Lilly-san.”

“Oh, please don’t, no ‘san’. Just call me Lilly-chan, okie? “

“O-okay. Lilly-chan.”

　Chief gardener Lilly―― a muscular, bulging man who acted like a ‘big sister’ greeted me with his rough voice.

　Up until now, I had only seen him from a distance, but facing him like this really makes me feel incredibly intimidated. In more than one way.

“I heard about you from Jas-chan. He said you were going to write a biography of me!　Shoot away, I’ll answer aaaaanything you ask! “

　He spoke while wiggling his huge body around……

“A-Alright, let’s get to it…… Lilly, -chan, how old are you? “

“Asking a maiden her age is a no-no. But I’ll answer it just for you. I’m 38 this year.”

　38 is no longer a maiden. Well, his beard and bald head certainly make him look old…… still, his well-defined muscles are amazing.

“What did you do before coming here? “

“I was an adventurer. I was a C-ranked Martial Artist.”

　Just like Aniki did, his eyes looked towards the distance. I wonder what happened to Lilly-san in the past……?

“But being totally honest, I didn’t want to be an adventurer. However, I was refused at the work I really wanted as a florist because of my appearance, therefore I had no choice but to work hard at adventuring in order to live.”

“But, you’re pretty strong, right Lilly-chan?”

“Not at all. I was certainly strong, but being an adventurer isn’t that gentle. That’s why intermediate adventurers like myself teamed up to challenge dungeons.”

　Lilly-san’s bright face turned a bit darker as she said that.

“You’re disgusting…… I was often told those words. They did it face to face, behind my back, and even if they didn’t put it in words, their attitude expressed that. They all bullied me. I was ostracized and they also stole my items. I always wondered why was I born into such a body, but it was painfully clear that nothing could be done about it even if I worried about it……”

“Lilly-chan……”

　This person has also been struggling.

“One day, a new woman joined the team I was in. That girl was very understanding of my circumstances. That was the first time we met, but I felt like she was a close friend.”

“Ahh, so she didn’t abandon you.”

“……I was very happy that she had nominated me as a guard while she changed her clothes. I thought I was finally being treated as a woman. But, you see, a few minutes later that girl started screaming.”

“Ha……? “

“It was a trap. In order to get me out of the team. All the team members had colluded and set up that trap for me.”

“…………”

　……How terrible. Being told such a terrible story, I don’t know what to say. I wonder what happened to Lilly-san afterwards.

“I became a slave under the crime of peeping. I was really desperate at that time. After all, nobody would buy a girl with such a disgusting muscular body like me. And even if I was to be bought, my future would’ve probably been forced physical labor until I died. Right?　I was completely cornered.”

　Well, it’s obvious to be despaired at that situation. If that was me, I wouldn’t be able to trust in anyone anymore. However, I see, Lilly-san was a slave that was bought by this house.

“――Up until then, this was just a depressing story. But from then on, I really began to shine――”

　…………Eh?

“Ahhhh!　It was love at first sight; it really was!　I’ll never be able to forget for the rest of my life the shock I received when I first saw Second-sama! “

“……O-okay.”

“The obvious reason was because he was extremely handsome, right?　But if Second-sama wouldn’t have been there, that would’ve been the end for me. It was impossible not to fall in love!　Moreover, he gave me a life without inconveniences and assigned me the job I always wanted to do……Ahh, I think I’ll…!　I think I’ll cry!! “

　He had a dark face just until now, but then he returned to his usual self and it looked like his emotions were about to burst.

　Lilly-san then began to speak about how wonderful Master was, continuously. I felt like I couldn’t find the appropriate time to end the talk.

“――Right!?　Hey, Plo-chan, are you listening? “

“Y-Yeah. But, it’s about time for the next question.”

“Ahh, oh my, it can’t be, I got too excited. Sorry.”

　I’m saved……

“Well, the next question is, why did you become a gardener? “

“Ahh, about that. I suppose the main reason was because I wanted to do it.”

“You wanted to? “

“Yeah. Don’t you think taking care of the garden is great?　I’ve always longed for this kind of job. Growing cute flowers and maintaining a dreamy garden, right?”

　Ahh, that’s right, he told me he wanted to be a florist. I suppose he does have his cute aspects.

“However, that isn’t my only job. In fact, it actually doubles as patrolling the place. Something like a security guard. Cube-chan said this was perfect for me since I looked strong.”

“Certainly, if Lilly-chan is here, any thieves trying to break in would run away thinking a monster has come out.”

“What did you say? “

“No, nothing, never mind.”

　Whoa, this person is really scary.

“Fuu…… oh my, looks like we ran out of time. It’s almost time for that place to open. So, was I helpful? “

“Yeah. Extremely helpful.”

“Then that’s great. Well then, I’ll go talk with Sovra-chan. See ya～”

　Lilly-san shook my hand then left. This was the first time I talked with Lilly-san, but he looks like a good person. It seems he’s feared and loved at the same time by his subordinates in the garden.

　Tomorrow is Sovra-niisan’s turn, huh? ……I’m not really good at dealing with him.

——

——

“Ohh, the failure came.”

　Evening of the next day. When I went to the back door of the kitchen, Sovra-niisan was waiting for me there while smoking a cigarette.

　He has unkempt black hair with a beard and wears glasses. To be honest, he doesn’t look like a chef at all.

“Who’s a failure? I’m Ploum.”

“Ahh, is that so? Anyway, just sit there.”

“There’s only ground over there! “

“What?　I see. Well, whatever, just sit wherever you want.”

　Somehow, I feel like I’m hated.

“Head Chef Sovra. 35 years-old, single. Taking applications for a girlfriend.”

　Without waiting for me to ask a question, Sovra-niisan introduced himself. Hey, wait a moment. Taking applications for a girlfriend?

“Did you break up with your girlfriend? “

“HAAAAAA?　I’ve never had a girlfriend, idiot.”

“Then, who was the girl you were walking together with the other day? “

“Geez.”

“…………Haa.”

“Ahh, so that’s what you meant?　Alright, I get it. I’ll prepare one or two women for you――”

“That’s not it!　It’s okay, I’m good!　Anyway, let’s continue with the interview! “

　Ahh, he’s a lost cause, he’s too much of a philanderer.

“What did you do before coming here? “

“I was a B-ranked adventurer.”

“Ehh, for real!?”

　Unexpected. Moreover, a B-ranked one. That’s pretty awesome.

“My Swordsmanship and Spearmanship skills were good enough to make the girls scream, you know. Of course, my ‘night skills’ would make them scream too.”

“Is that so? Then, why did you come here?”

“I was deceived by a woman.”

“Nbufu! “

　I was hit.

“It was some bitch my parents selfishly decided to be my bride. But that was only so that they could escape their debts. From the beginning, it was just a ruse to fool me into shouldering debt my family had to some dangerous people.”

“……That’s pretty harsh.”

“And out of all things, it seems that woman got really serious about it. Moreover, it seems she borrowed some money from the same dangerous folks and she had to pay it back soon. That’s why I decided to become a slave in order to pay for the money……”

“But? “

“Actually, she just used the money for herself. I didn’t know until later, and I couldn’t do anything about it since I was just a slave, but the debt remained and was to be passed on to the master who would buy me. I totally became a booby trap slave.”

“Wow, what a terrible woman.”

“Well, she really did a number on me.”

“It was the worst……”

　But, then that’s why with this I’m somewhat convinced. Sovra is famous as a womanizer who will go out with many different women in the city when he has the time, but there’s a rumor that he will never spend too much time with a single one. When I saw him on a date in the city, I thought he had finally decided to settle down, but I guess he was just fooling around.

　……He’ll never get serious with anyone. Or more like he can’t get serious. It kinda looks like something cool, but isn’t he just fooling around too much?　I wonder if he really wants to get into a serious relationship, but his worries prevent him from doing so?

　Ahh, I noticed something peculiar. Let’s ask him.

“Sovra-niisan. I’m saying it just because, but why haven’t you laid a hand on the maids? “

　It was just a light-hearted question.

　But at that instant――A knife pierced the ground directly below my crotch.

“Ueeehh!? “

“Stop spouting that nonsense.”

　It was a quiet voice. I immediately noticed he was extremely angry. Did I make a mistake again?

“I’m s-sorry, niisan.”

“I don’t want your stupid apology, damn brat. It just looks like you still don’t get what your position is. Ahh, seriously, just what is that Jast doing……”

　Sovra-niisan said so while scratching his head, visibly irritated.

　I was really taken aback. My inconsiderate words have made him think poorly of Aniki!

“……Listen here, who do you think the maids belong to? Let’s hear it.”

　After heaving a huge sigh, Sovra-niisan opened his mouth.

　Who do the maids belong to…… who do they belong to?　…………Ah.

“……Is it Second-sama? “

“Answer faster, dammit. Who do you belong to?　Who was the one who bought you and gave you such a good life? “

“Second-sama.”

“Who do I belong to? Say it.　Who would buy a worn-out old man slave in his mid-thirties with millions in debt, and still pay him a salary, and provide food, clothing, and shelter?　Come on, say it!　Say it! “

“Se-Second-sama! “

“……Fool. That’s why there’s no way I would touch something belonging to Second-sama. Don’t ever say something like that ever again, even as a joke. Next time I’ll stab you in the crotch, you shitty brat.”

　Putting out his cigarette, Sovra-niisan turned his back on me and left.

　He was totally right…… I was being a fool.

　I went back to my room feeling depressed and dragging my body. It’s a big room in the servant’s huge mansion, so nobody would think it belongs to a simple stable-hand. Even at night, I don’t have to do anything, dinner is just served.

　Lying down on my soft bed, I looked up at the dim ceiling.

　……I somehow thought this was paradise. That I was blessed. However, I didn’t realize this paradise was all thanks to someone.

　Just like Jast-aniki, Lilly-san and Sovra-niisan said. I finally began to understand it a little after being told by The Big Four.

　Will a day when I can speak just like them come? If so, I’d love if it would come sooner.

　I fell asleep while thinking about that.

　　　＊　＊　＊

“The younger ones these days are no good. They aren’t serious enough. In the first place, they are naive. You get what I’m saying, Jast?”

“Kind of, Sovra-niisan.”

　Night. There were two people drinking wine in the corner of the cafeteria.

　A man with glasses whose hair was unkempt, Sovra, and a young man with hair all swept to the back, Jast.

“Still, nii-san’s speech seems to have worked wonderfully. That guy went straight to bed.”

“Ha. I was just messing around with him.”

“Here nii-san, drink another.”

　Jast poured more wine to improve Sovra’s mood.

“Ohh, thanks. Eh?　Well, he wasn’t that bad. But it was all because you didn’t educate him properly.”

“I’m really sorry for that.”

　Jast just bowed down while smiling. Sovra let out a sigh after looking at him, then after emptying his drink, he opened his mouth again.

“A biography, huh? I didn’t think such an idiot would be able to write one.”

“He’ll keep learning from now on, I’m sure. Wasn’t that the case with us too?”

“I suppose.”

　The two of them closed their eyes as they remembered about the time when they first came to House Firstest.

“……I was desperate. I was originally good at cooking, but I was no professional. Back then it was all studying and training. I don’t think I’ll read a book that fast ever again.”

“I was desperate too. I had to work really hard since I didn’t know how to read.”

“You really had it hard. Well, I had my fair share too. I suddenly had to make three meals a day for fourteen people. I had to get better at it even if I didn’t like it.”

“Hahaha, that was one way to improve.”

　They both laughed while remembering their difficult moments.

　They couldn’t help but to laugh. Why was it that hard? Why were they so desperate? They understood each other without using words. They just wanted to be useful for Second.

“Oops, is it that late already?”

　After looking at the watch, Sovra spoke.

“Usually, Cubero-san would’ve come already to drive us away.”

　Jast responded while laughing loudly. If the butler Cubero were to find two people drinking in the middle of the night, he would surely chide them.

“Ahh, that’s right. Wasn’t Cubero going to pick him up?”

“Yes. It’s finally, tomorrow.”

　The pair thought about the following day while they drank from their glass. A man’s face came to their minds.

　A face they would see again after four months, their master’s.

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Thank you for reading.

Next time, 『Chapter 6  The Political Strife Arc』.